Thursday, June 17, 2010

A species* that is likely to become extinct


  • They work their ass-off. Hee-Haw!
  • They’re willing to do any job that comes their way. Hee-Haw!
  • They volunteer to do a job or sort a problem, which eventually gets added to their job profile, with no increase in the take home, except for the extra load of work and pressure. Hee-Haw!
  • They lend their fundas – “interface”, “approach notes”, “information architecture”, “rationale”, “process flow”…that soon become the norm at the workplace. Hee-Haw!
  • They yap about all and sundry to keep their sanity. Hee-Haw!
  • They pledge their loyalty to the Company they work in. Even when a bigger better job is offered to them, they refuse to budge. Hee-Haw!

Cover-up agents.

  • They cover-up follies in a diplomatic manner. Hee-Haw!
  • When client asks for schedule: “Will discuss with team and get back to you”. Hee-Haw!
  • When client asks when the job will be done: “Team is working on it. Will keep you posted.” Hee-Haw!
  • When the irate client asks, Why is this blue, when I asked for red: Bloody hell, they think on their feet and with the most convincing of expressions reply: “Blue symbolizes hope, joy , prosperity, royalty…” da, da, da it goes till the client says, yeah…coming to think of it, I’m beginning to like it. Hee-Haw!
  • And so on…

No-moolah. No problem.
  • If not paid a couple of months (financial crunch), they don’t question. They swear allegiance; wear a pair of horse blinds so they are not tempted to jump at the slightest whiff of opportunity coming their way. Hee-Haw!
  • If the last raise or promotion came a couple of years back, they let it pass. What the heck! In fact, they slog harder. Hee-Haw!
  • They sweet-talk others (the not paid, half-paid, demoralized or simply wanting to graze the meadows that seem greener on the other side kinds) to continue working in the company. Hee-Haw!

Thick-skinned, nothing affects them.

  • Not the KMA (Kiss My Ass) policy of the higher-ups. This species would rather swear by the Kick-ass methodology to get work done or to solve a problem. Hee-Haw!
  • Not the laid-back attitude of colleagues. A kick in the butt (or at least saying “I’m gonna kick your butt”) can fix that attitude. Hee-Haw!
  • Not the incorrigible commonsense-less behavior of other teams working on the project who pretend that it is the soon-to-be-extinct-species’ job to tell them if they’re doing their job right or wrong (The species under study would like to call them blockheads, morons, jackasses or what have you!). Hee-Haw!
  • Not the dressing-down from the boss, which is often not even remotely related to what the species is actually supposed to do. Hee-Haw!
  • Not the boring jobs that come their way. Hee-Haw!
  • Not the “deadline yesterday” jobs that may get done “the day before”, but may remain in office for “another week or so” because “some moron” forgot to upload it. Hee-Haw!
  • Not the brown, watery, sugary stuff they get twice a day. Hee-Haw!
  • Not even the HR mandate, as per which, you need to behave like a zombie. Hee-Haw!
  • Nothing, NOTHING can stop this species. But fear is, they’ll soon be extinct. Hee-Haw!
Now, am I turning into a fossil?

* The species (subject of this post), as research reveals, is fast disappearing from the face of the earth. Send in your votes (comments) to sustain this species and to save it from being extinct.

Monday, June 07, 2010

A workaholic’s T20 confessions

  1. Someone who’s so addicted to work, that everything seems double.
  2. Starts with one, then mixes a couple of other. After a heady cocktail, starts all over again.
  3. Stays slumped in the chair, with a morose expression and a blank screen under the pretext of “thinking”.
  4. When there’s a call, swears (Gosh…work is also a 4-letter word people!) and drawls over the r’s and the l’s. Unintelligible conversation pursues.
  5. Calls everybody else a “moron”, thinks everything else is “funny”.
  6. Hates going to a meeting, and stifles the irrepressible yawn begging to be excused with the lamest of excuses “Oxygen depletion”.
  7. Staggers around, drunk in a pile of work.
  8. No hiccups, just goes on gulping it down, sometimes bottoms-up.
  9. Smiles when the work is piling. Laughs when it hits the ceiling.
  10. Is always right. Can’t argue there.
  11. Ain’t a stickler for time. Deadlines, yes. But not the coming in or going out.
  12. And once in, doesn’t bother to leave till the lights are out and the shutters are half down.
  13. Will work-ass-off or kick-ass to get work done.
  14. Got nothing to confide. Life is an open book. And the workplace gets most of the waking hours.
  15. No one questions, not even the big B. Comes dirt cheap, yet very effective you see.
  16. Rub salt, some lime and down a tequila. You’ll know what I mean. Got some more peanuts?
  17. Can’t stay off it, sometimes. Not even some weekends or those weak-days!
  18. Maybe it’s the hangover of yesterday. The head is pounding.
  19. The watering hole beckons. The bartender is ready with the cocktail.
  20. I’m headed to a de-addiction centre instead. Enuff said.