Thursday, June 17, 2010

A species* that is likely to become extinct


  • They work their ass-off. Hee-Haw!
  • They’re willing to do any job that comes their way. Hee-Haw!
  • They volunteer to do a job or sort a problem, which eventually gets added to their job profile, with no increase in the take home, except for the extra load of work and pressure. Hee-Haw!
  • They lend their fundas – “interface”, “approach notes”, “information architecture”, “rationale”, “process flow”…that soon become the norm at the workplace. Hee-Haw!
  • They yap about all and sundry to keep their sanity. Hee-Haw!
  • They pledge their loyalty to the Company they work in. Even when a bigger better job is offered to them, they refuse to budge. Hee-Haw!

Cover-up agents.

  • They cover-up follies in a diplomatic manner. Hee-Haw!
  • When client asks for schedule: “Will discuss with team and get back to you”. Hee-Haw!
  • When client asks when the job will be done: “Team is working on it. Will keep you posted.” Hee-Haw!
  • When the irate client asks, Why is this blue, when I asked for red: Bloody hell, they think on their feet and with the most convincing of expressions reply: “Blue symbolizes hope, joy , prosperity, royalty…” da, da, da it goes till the client says, yeah…coming to think of it, I’m beginning to like it. Hee-Haw!
  • And so on…

No-moolah. No problem.
  • If not paid a couple of months (financial crunch), they don’t question. They swear allegiance; wear a pair of horse blinds so they are not tempted to jump at the slightest whiff of opportunity coming their way. Hee-Haw!
  • If the last raise or promotion came a couple of years back, they let it pass. What the heck! In fact, they slog harder. Hee-Haw!
  • They sweet-talk others (the not paid, half-paid, demoralized or simply wanting to graze the meadows that seem greener on the other side kinds) to continue working in the company. Hee-Haw!

Thick-skinned, nothing affects them.

  • Not the KMA (Kiss My Ass) policy of the higher-ups. This species would rather swear by the Kick-ass methodology to get work done or to solve a problem. Hee-Haw!
  • Not the laid-back attitude of colleagues. A kick in the butt (or at least saying “I’m gonna kick your butt”) can fix that attitude. Hee-Haw!
  • Not the incorrigible commonsense-less behavior of other teams working on the project who pretend that it is the soon-to-be-extinct-species’ job to tell them if they’re doing their job right or wrong (The species under study would like to call them blockheads, morons, jackasses or what have you!). Hee-Haw!
  • Not the dressing-down from the boss, which is often not even remotely related to what the species is actually supposed to do. Hee-Haw!
  • Not the boring jobs that come their way. Hee-Haw!
  • Not the “deadline yesterday” jobs that may get done “the day before”, but may remain in office for “another week or so” because “some moron” forgot to upload it. Hee-Haw!
  • Not the brown, watery, sugary stuff they get twice a day. Hee-Haw!
  • Not even the HR mandate, as per which, you need to behave like a zombie. Hee-Haw!
  • Nothing, NOTHING can stop this species. But fear is, they’ll soon be extinct. Hee-Haw!
Now, am I turning into a fossil?

* The species (subject of this post), as research reveals, is fast disappearing from the face of the earth. Send in your votes (comments) to sustain this species and to save it from being extinct.


walk2write said...

Nope. You're not a fossil yet. You haven't turned to stone under heat and pressure. There's still something soft and pliable under that work-hardened exterior. I saw it in your earlier post about the trip on the lake.

A New Beginning said...

loved the post RGB, its simply HEEEEEE-HAWWWWW!!!;)

RGB said...

@ walk2write, Hope so too. But don't you think the said species will soon be just fossils for study at the rate that jumping jacks jump jobs!

@ A New Beginning, glad you like the post. Hee-Haw!

The Holy Lama said...

As one of the remaining specimens under study, I can but Hee haw.
It's tooooooooooooooooooo good:D

Insignia said...

Wow!! Heeee-haw...heeee-haw. Loving it!!
Dont worry RGB, we are not extinct yet.

I am just like the rhino :-P and my boss and colleagues have tried all but failed to tame me :-D

Feels nice to meet people like me :-D

Chapters From My Life said...

I would not only like the species to live but actually I would like a few of them to work for me...
Where do I send my votes and comments for the preservation of these species?

Jon said...

Are u kidding...who cares for the donkeys... I love to be a mixture of cover up agents and rhinos...

U may hate them...but they end up on the smarter side

Neha said...

hahahaha..very nice post RGB..observation at it's best..enjoyed reading it..take care :)

Ellen said...

Hahahah truth that bites. You really can swing a tough punch, young lady! Keep punching. Lols!

Destiny's child... said...

Hee hee tee hee...:D
You are working too much but that hasn't done anything to your sense of humour. On a serious note, I really think you guys are going mad without me around! Ha! :D

Neha said...

darn, me and my typos - observation at its best and not it's!!!!!

RGB said...

@ The Holy Lama,
Hee-Haw! Glad u like the post:)

@ Insignia,
Hee-Haw to that! And nice to know there are more of our kind.

@ Farila,
Thanks for stopping by. And for your valuable vote/comments in support of saving this species from extinction. Is the offer serious? (Not that I would jump, just curious;))

@ Jon,
Hee-Haw to you, who thinks that Rhino + 007 = Smartass ;) (Humour intended)

@ Neha,
Glad u like the post. And thanks for stopping by! (Typo excused)

@ Ellen,
Punching on...phew!

@ Destiny's Child
Butts-off! and yeah, we are missing you much....

Anil P said...

Lock them up in a zoo to save them, unless of course cages have become extinct :-)

RGB said...

@ Anil P,
Aren't they already in a zoo?! Thanks for stopping by.

RGB said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Nona said...

Nice compilation

Bikram said...

Well well , I thought i had commented on this one.. anyway What a compilation a few of the species you have mentioned actually are not worth saving.. better they are extinct for the survival of GOOD MANKIND...

I liked the satire in each one of them he hehe NICE ONE made me smile toooo

RGB said...

@ Nona,
Thank you for your comment and for stopping by. Hope to see you around more often :)

@ Bikramjit,
Glad I could bring on the smile. Too bad though you want to see some of them extinct. Even the meanest of them deserve a chance to live, don't they! Thanx for stopping by :)

sujata sengupta said...

what observation and compilation. I think your sense of humour rocks!

Journomuse said...

This is a great compilation..Fossilisation is good, generations will inspect you as a model of our generation..;)

RGB said...

@ sujata,
glad u like it. and tks for stopping by. hope to see you around more often.

@ Journomuse,
Right. At least as fossils, we get to stay forever! And millions of years later, we would be subjects of billion-dollar research projects!

radha said...

You mean they still exist?

RGB said...

@ Radha,
You're speaking to one:) Thanks for stopping by and hope to see you around more often!

Merlin said...

OMG OMG!! I almost thought that I was reading a description of myself. Damn, is it THIS bad! I should join the "Be-the-slimy-give-me-money-and-i-will-give-you-loyalty" course!

RGB said...

@ Merlin,
Birds of the same feather, eh? If you find that course, sign me in :p