Tuesday, April 27, 2010

The Zombie Ritual

At the Workplace:

  • Enter. Find scooters / bikes parked in the only 4-wheel parking slot left. Leave it under the gummy tree and don't look behind.
  • Remove your brains and boots at the door.
  • Swipe card and hear the automated "welcome" message (that you probably don't hear because you just left your brains in your boots).
  • Don't bother looking up, nobody can see you (you are the invisible Zombie, remember?).
  • Head straight to your desk, don't acknowledge, smile or greet anybody on your way (They don't even know you exist!).
  • Switch on your machine, then perhaps look on your sides, somebody might be waiting to catch your glance, smile or simply grin (Now they can see you!).
  • Check your mails. There would be at least one mail to shoot your blood to the brain and get you started on the job (Of calling, mailing, yelling, puffing and doing everything else instead of actually getting to the problem). A great way to start work!
  • Settle down and get down to work (if you can get out of the non-stop calls, emails, concalls, meetings, stenography, minutes of the meetings, dressing downs, passing the buck sessions, scheduling, status updates, planning, evaluating, testing...anything but what you really ought to do!)
  • Break for grapevine. A cup of brown-sugary-milky stuff they call tea, some biscuits, peanuts or kurkure and barrels of grapevine (Burp!).
  • Get back to work (if you can avoid the million other interruptions with a pair of horse-blinds maybe!).
  • Break for lunch. Nonsensical conversation - Proclaim judgement on Tom, Dick and Harry, Talk about Current Affairs, Home Affairs and just about any topic under the sun, with some rice to go with it!
  • Back to work (got to hire a couple of clones to take over the ancillary jobs that is quickly becoming your main job!)
  • Break for the milky-sugary stuff with a faint whiff of tea. Gossip-mongers these Zombies(So the focus is the hot conversations, and the tea soon gets cold!).
  • Swears to get work done this time over, when trrring, trrring...Big B on the other end, requesting for a 5 minute Discussion.
  • 5 minute stretches to 5 hours.
  • Late again! Zombie will now have to deal with the dressing-down session at home...
  • But Zombie is back to work again. Happy to see the other zombies at work.
  • And life goes on!


Kavi said...

The zombies in the zombie world ! They seem to be present all over the world !

Hmm !


Destiny's child... said...

And so it goes on and on...this vicious circle of zombie life. Picture that cartoon on the calender I so love. The month of feb. *Walks away....*

The Holy Lama said...

zom zom, that's about what fellow zombie can say

A New Beginning said...

Lets try waking up, looking at other zombies..refusing to be like them...get in some spark back to life...smile to the tune of early morning and kick start a bright new day!! So much to drive zombie mania away..it seems difficult, silly,"oh just good for words!"... but whats the harm in trying ;)

RGB said...

@ Kavi,
Yeah...with our routine lives, we're all bound to become zombies sooner or later!

@ Destiny's Child,
And what would be this Zombie's Destiny!

@ The Holy Lama,
Toothy grin:) for you Zombie dear!

RGB said...

@ A New Beginning,
"When in Rome, be a Roman" - said someone a long time ago. In Zombie world for too long, what else can you expect but another Zombie! But like you said, there's no harm trying to be otherwise :)

sujata sengupta said...

glad to know the other zombie... terrific points and so very apt!!

RGB said...

@ Sujata,
aye aye zombie!

Ellen said...

Lols! how I can relate to that when I was at the workplace some years ago. So indeed it was the corporate jungle inhabited by zombies. Lols! :-)

RGB said...

@ Ellen, You become a zombie, rather. Or, you don't fit in.

Novice Writer said...

Paavam zombies! My heartfelt sympathy...

RGB said...

@ Novice Writer,
You've escaped the zombie world in the nick of time, eh?